I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
