I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
