its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
