3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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