Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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