He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I will pee on everything he values.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
