I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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