I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
