Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
