He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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