if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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