ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
