dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
