I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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