his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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