My Higher Power is John Stamos
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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