I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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