How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
