As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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