So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
