if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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