smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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