I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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