Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
