who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
