At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
