Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
