the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
40s are totally the cure
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
