"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
