WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
