im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
