she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You don't make any sense
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