fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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