You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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