it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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