i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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