I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My vagina is officially offended.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
