So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
