ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i love accidental penises.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
