how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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