PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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