Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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