yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
