dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
