Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
