she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
