he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
