Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
