You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
