You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
