"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
