Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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