i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
