Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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